Sandman’s a Comin’

When you hear those three dreaded words “you’ve got cancer” you can’t help but start to think about death.  You really can’t avoid it, that’s just the way it works.  And depending on what type of cancer you have, its progression and your prognosis, you might start thinking A LOT about death.

You will go through several defined stages of emotions, which are better described by others more knowledgeable and articulate about them than me.  But they will include (not necessarily in order) anger, denial, more anger, despair, more anger and an eventual acceptance of the reality of your situation.  That is when you will quite literally reach the proverbial fork in the road.  Do you cave in and give up or do you accept this is your new reality, understand the specifics of your situation and start the fight.  And a fight it will be, make no mistake about that.

Of course you will need to get your affairs in order: a living will, a power of attorney and possibly a do not resuscitate order.  Some of these will be required by the hospital when you begin your treatments.  But over the course of the first month or so, you will have to accept the fact that you might die sometime soon.  Obviously you hope not, but you none the less have to make peace with yourself about this.  Maybe that is part of the blessings of the long, quiet days and nights in a hospital bed – to give you the opportunity to really look in the mirror at your life.  Take advantage of this time.  What has really mattered and what do you want to do with the rest of your life, however long it may be?

There really is no horse trading to be done here – no “if I get this then I will do that.”  Sorry to say that.  Don’t get me wrong, I think the power of prayer is hugely important but I personally have a real hard time believing that at this point God is looking to make a deal.  Lord knows I’ve said many a prayer asking for strength for the fight and to help me be a better person, but no Monte Hall business.

So, when you boil it all down, what really matters?  In my opinion, it is all about what have you done to help others – from your family to your community to the world at large.  I know, I know, that sounds incredibly trite and overly simplistic, but for myself I don’t know a better way to say it.  And if you are as fortunate as I have been in being given several years past my “expiration date,” you need to remember this and strive to live it every day.

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