Okay, So What Now?

So you’ve beaten the odds and survived a year and a half of very tough treatments for Leukemia.  Congratulations!!  You know you should be so full of joy and enjoying each day as it comes along, and you really are.  But when you are quiet there is still that whisper of a voice in the back of your head reminding you of the seventy-five percent chance you are not going to survive past the next four years. 

I wonder if that is why I can no longer stand to hear the commercials on TV promoting some wonder drug or another.  I mean they really, really bug me now.  And don’t let me anywhere near those commercials promoting drugs to take during chemo!  I have to walk out of the room whenever they come on.

Maybe it is because I still am not one hundred percent recovered.  I mean I am almost there and can function fine; it’s just that last little edge isn’t back yet.  And that bugs me.  But maybe it is more the case that as many times as I tell myself I have accepted this as my new reality and have made my peace with whatever might come, I really haven’t.  Truth be told, that is a pretty huge thing to make your peace with.

In no way am I meaning to make this a “poor me” story in search of encouragement from others.  It is just my reality right now, and I am sure it is also the reality of many other people who have gone through similar situations and I hope are reading this.  Know that you are not alone.  I think it is best to call it what it is, cut myself some slack for having these feelings, continue to work at accepting this as my life now and to make the best of it.  And know that it will take some more time to fully “get there.”  And that’s okay, too.

And here are two GREAT reasons to be happy with every second of every day – my two (currently!) grand kids – Anne (age 6) and Porter (age 2 ½).  Yee-haw!!


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